Tdsc ep 5
"Last time on Total Drama: Second Chances!" Chris said, starting up the episode. "The teams were forced to compete in a talent showdown and proved, to nobody's surprise, that they weren't actually all that talented. Former contestants Lindsay and Harold appeared and judged the players, and Beardo and Ella's duet was pretty well-received. In addition, Justin was hot... as usual, but when Zeke shocked all by revealing Rodney's deepest thoughts in the form of poetry, the Rhinos won for the first time! The Hippos sent home Blaineley, which is a HUGE relief, for spilling the beans on the happenings at camp. What tricks will I have up my sleeve today? Who will manage to be the most annoying this time? Find out on Total... Drama... Second Chances!" The sun rose while the camera panned through the serene fields of Pahkitew Island. The island's flora was in full bloom, while the animatronic wildlife was skipping cheerfully through the grasslands and birds were chirping pleasantly in the trees. This peaceful atmosphere was suddenly interrupted by Chef suddenly screeching out in pain, dropping the day's slop to the ground. Anne Maria peered inside of the kitchen, "Uh, where's the grub?" Chef choked back tears as he clinched his hand in pain, "It'll be here when it's GOOD AND READY TO BE HERE!!!" "Come ON! I gotta get my daily protein levels to an all-time high!" shouted a voice that sounded like Tyler. "Private, it takes a while to polish a gem, and the same goes for Chef's cuisine," Brick said. "Like my uncle always said, good things come to those who wait." "Someone understands..." Chef muttered from the kitchen, tearing up even more. "Alright I'm out of here, the dim light in this place is NOT worth my tan!" Dakota said while heading for the door. "YOUR tan? HA! You're freakin' pale compared to me!" Anne Maria yelled back at Dakota. Dakota looked at Anne Maria, angrily, "Yeah well who asked you, you reality tv reject!" "Um, duh. I've seen your article in th' National Instigator or whatevah," Anne Maria said. "They once described your skin as 'porcelain.' Like a toilet." "Ladies, I cannot deal with this in-fighting between minions!" Max shouted. "In order to run a successful evildoing business, the evildoers themselves must cooperate smoothly and without any shenanigans." "UGH! WhatEVER! I'm going to go to the bathroom!" Dakota said, and stormed out. "Heh-heh. She jus' wants to be with her own kind, eh. Y'know, toilets," Ezekiel said, obnoxiously nudging Anne Maria with his elbow. Anne Maria scowled at him. "Zeke, you're WORSE than Dakota. Stop talkin' to me, you wack-ass suburban white boy." Ezekiel glared, "Who are you callin' suburban?!" Anne Maria is seen in the confessional, "I hate everyone here! These people just don't know greatness when they see it!" Anne Maria took a hairspray can out and began emptying the can on her hair. Dakota was then shown storming into the confessional. "Ugh! This is the only place I can go to escape those losers! I just--" She then noticed the camera. "Just kidding! Can't get ANY privacy around here..." Sam nudged Leonard, "Heh, those two are crazy." "Yeah! Crazier than the gnomes from planet Klebnar!" Leonard replied. "Nice try, friend, but if you're referring to the gnomes from the Kosmic Kaos expansion pack released in February subtitled 'Xarthog's Revenge,' those are actually from the planet Klomphar. The trolls are from Klebnar," Noah said dryly. "Ah, but wait! I guess you haven't progressed in the game enough, since the Great Gnome Emigration of 3156 takes place at the end and the gnomes travel from Klomphar TO Klebnar! Guess you're not a full-blown wizard... Or even an apprentice," Leonard said. Sam gasped. "He burned you!" Sam exclaimed. "I'm surrounded by idiots, I swear my IQ is dropping more and more with each coming day," Noah said in the confessional. Samey sat down at a table alone, Katie walked up to her, "Don't get too comfortable SAMEY, you're going home the next time we lose, I will make sure of it!" "What's your problem with me!" Samey exclaimed, and Katie walked off smirking. "I seriously don't understand what's wrong with her," Samey exclaimed in the confessional, "She hates me and I don't even know why!" "She knows what she did," Katie said in the confessional, "She RUINED everything for me and Sadie! We were gonna look at hot guys together!" Katie began sulking to herself. Katie stared across the mess hall to Justin, who was checking his hair in the reflection of his phone. "It's just not the same... Even Justin looks less cute without Sadie around..." she said. "Less... cute?" Justin said, mortified. "Oh, no, that's NOT what I mean! I promise!" Katie said. "Justin... Just... JUST PLEASE LET ME SIT HERE AND CRY BY MYSELF AND GO BE HOT SOMEWHERE ELSE, OKAY?!" She began bawling. "Alright, alright..." Justin said, walking away while still looking in his mirror, clearly concerned for his looks. Justin is seen in the confessional, still mortified, "Without my looks, I'm nothing! If I'm no longer hot, what will I do? Get by on my smarts? That's ridiculous!" The sound of a horn loudly reverberating throughout the hall was then heard. "Attention, campers!" said an all-too-familiar voice. "Aw, but Chris, this morning has been so relaxing..." said Sam. "Can't it stay that way?" "Relaxation is NOT in your contract!" Chris said, smirking, "Now meet me out at the elimination area in ten!" The teams stood up and made their way to the door. "Um..." stuttered Rodney. "Ladies first," he beckoned to Dawn. "Oh, thank you, Rodney. That is very pure of you," Dawn said. Dawn said in the confessional, "Rodney's outdated standards of chivalry are somewhat problematic, but they are endearing at the same time." Dawn walked out of the door, and Rodney backed up, but accidentally tripped and fell on top of Ezekiel. "OW! THAT AIN'T COOL, EH!" "Oh, sorry!" Rodney exclaimed, quickly scrambling to his feet. Zeke then pushed past Rodney, "Freakin' posers..." Chris was then shown outside in front of the other contestants. "Okay! So, you guys probably know that you're about to have some major pain inflicted on you." He chuckled. "You all remember the wilderness survival challenge from season one, right? The one with the bears?" "Yes," Katie said. "Of course I do. That was when Sadie and I got into a HUGE fight. It was soooo sad. I cannot believe that that happened. But now we're BFFFLs again. Or, at least, we WERE." She glared at Samey once again. "Dude, why are you reusing so many TDI challenges again? The general fanbase likes variety and action. Our challenges were more boring than Trent," Noah said. "That may be true, but you forget..." Chris threw his hands in the air dramatically, "the nostalgia factor!" "The nostalgia factor?" Noah said flatly. "The nostalgia factor!" Chris repeated, cheerfully, "You see, people always long for things in the past even if they were total crap! It's just how things work... but you know I also had the Area 51 challenge lined up..." "No! No! The woods are good, the woods are good!" Tyler piped up, shaking slightly. "Tyler, you'll be fine," said Leonard, patting him on the back. "Aliens aren't THAT scary. They can usually be bested by some low-level spells, anyway." "Enough with the aliens!" Chris exclaimed, "We aren't using the Area 51 challenge, besides, I've been banned from there now anyways. They say I am a "threat to international security" or something else stupid like that. No matter, let's get on with the challenge! You will be spending a night in the woods with no supplies, not even a light!" Chris smiled with glee, "So you better get a move on campers, it's getting dark!" "Wait, Chris. No fair, you totally gave us maps last time!" Katie said. "So? We like to put edgy twists onto challenges!" Chris said. "Plus, we feel as if you have all matured and grown as human beings. Maps are for the weak. Now scram!" The nineteen contestants began walking into the woods while Chris stood there, clearly proud of himself. Brick stood in front of his team, "Alright men!" Eva glared at him, "and ladies! We have a long night ahead of us and I have the outdoormanship to lead us to safety! Follow me, troops!" "Hey! Why should we just blindly follow you?" Eva yelled at him as the team began to walk away. "I dunno, he seems pretty qualified to me," Sam said. "I disagree! Why does Brick have to be the leader? Because he's, oh, MANLY or something? I'm sure I have twice as much armpit hai--" Eva began. "Guys, we mustn't create discord this early!" Ella said. "Let's just pretend we're on a magical adventure... To Grandma's house, to drop off a basket full of goodies!" "I like goodies!" Leonard exclaimed. "I don't know... maybe Eva has a point--" Samey began as Katie interrupted her. "I personally think Brick would be a GREAT leader!" Katie exclaimed. "Eva is an irritating, domineering person," Samey said in the confessional. "But she's NOT an outwardly terrible person to people. So I like that about Eva. She's way better than Amy! You go, Eva." Eva sighed loudly to herself as she began walking, "We're doomed..." "I dunno man, what do you think?" Tyler said to Beardo. Beardo created the sound of an audience roaring with laughter. After a pause, he said, "Let's... just take it easy, man." Tyler patted Beardo on the back, "I like this guy." The Rhinos were then shown trudging through the woods. "Can't we just drop down here? I need to take a nap... These bones are fragile," Justin said. "Yeah, I second that," said Dakota. "Yah," said Staci. "My bones are, like, super fragile too. Luckily, I have a layer of solid muscle protecting them from intruders. Try to punch me in the gut, I dare you. Yah, I won't feel a thing, hehe." "Do not provoke me!" Max exclaimed evilly, "For I am a sleeping GIANT!" "Aw, you're like, adorable!" Staci said, pinching Max's cheek, "What are you like five?" Max was then shown in the confessional. "The fact that that pleb had the unmitigated GALL to say something like that, to ME, proves how worthless of a life form she is. I will have my REVENGE!" "Okay, guys, uh, the sun's going down..." Rodney said. "Let's find somewhere to sleep. Though a good sunset is always beautiful and ro-ro-romantic..." He shed a single tear. "No, eh, we should sleep on th' grass tonight," Ezekiel said. "Like, that's what I do when I've been takin' care of our cow, Big Bertha, all day, and I'm too lazy to haul m'self back inside, so I just go snoozin' on the wild Canadian frontier." "Not a bad idea! Being on the farm makes you hardy and resilient," said Rodney. "NO! That's stupid! I don't want to listen to anything you boneheads have to say," Amy said. "But then again, I really don't want to do anymore walking..." She collapsed onto the ground. "All this talk of farms is makin' me feel gross," Anne Maria said, "I'm gonna go somewhere else." "Can I come wi--" began Ezekiel. "Can it," said Anne Maria curtly. Amy is seen in the confessional, "Man I am so BORED! What can I possibly do around here? Wait... I've got it! I can mess with that loser SAMEY and her team of losers! I am so smart!" Amy then is seen finding berries on a suspicious looking bush, "Perfect!" She then picked all of them and ran to where she say the Hippos setting up camp. Samey and Katie are seen arguing as everyone else rolled their eyes, "I hate you!" Katie exclaimed as Samey began to cry and ran out of the camp area. Samey then bumped into Amy. "What are you doing here?!" Samey exclaimed in a whisper. Amy raised an eyebrow and suddenly screamed, "No Samey I do NOT want to hear about your plan to eliminate Katie!" Samey looked at her sister in shock, which turned to rage while her team muttered back at their campsite. "You know, I came down here to throw some berries at the bears, but this was way more fun! Haha!" Amy laughed as she walked away. Amy walked back to the Rhinos, who seemed to be lying on the ground with minimal movement. "You guys are SO BORING!" she yelled. "Calm down, Amy," said Dawn calmly. "A keen relaxation of the senses is what everyone needs after a long day." "But it's like noon, eh," Ezekiel said. "Oh, silly Ezekiel. I operate on a far different time zone," giggled Dawn. "It is the time zone of the mind." "Eh? I ain't neva seen that one on my uPhone's clock," Anne Maria said. "Yah, it's because she's stupid," said Staci. "Just look at her and her ratty hair and her sweater which is the color of that one time that my dog barfed -- oh, and my dog is a really rare pure breed that's only found in the deepest caves in the Himalayas and nobody else on the planet has ever seen one -- and her purple tights which are really gross and yeah. Just ew." "Enough of your babbling! It is time to build an evil shelter!" Max exclaimed. "I agree! Except for the evil part..." Rodney said, picking up wood. He suddenly dropped the planks, "Ow! Splinter! Ouchie!" "No no no! You buffoon pick UP the wood!" Max said, pulling out a spray bottle and spraying Rodney with the suspicious liquid. "Wow you guys are both ugly and stupid," Justin said, flexing, "I never thought it'd be possible for me to actually miss being on a team with Owen, but you guys managed it." "Well... You are uglier and stupider! I saw your pathetic excuses for antagonistic behavior on Total Drama Action," Max said, waggling a finger condescendingly. "Oh, yes. I studied every episode three or more times so I could become a mixture of every single notorious villain from seasons past. Well, except you. Because you're a STINKY POO HEAD!" "Oh, um, I didn't even watch my own season. Awkward," said Justin. "Kinda slipped my mind. Plus, being gorgeous and all, I'm usually pretty busy. I couldn't find time in my tight schedule." Max looked at Justin in obvious disgust and went into the woods to find more wood for his evil shelter. "Justin is quite frankly the WORST antagonist I have ever seen!" Max exclaimed in the confessional, "Quite pathetic, really. He's just jealous he'll never reach the level of EVILOCITY I am at! BWA HA HA!" The scene then moved to early evening, where the Hippos were shown in the woods. "Soldiers, it's getting... um, dark..." Brick said, beginning to shudder. "Before the sun completely goes down--" "And turns you into a blubbering mess again? Wouldn't want that, huh?" Noah said with absolutely no emotion. "Hey! I am the captain of this squad and I say we need to find shelter!" Brick exclaimed defensively. "That would be the first good thing you've suggested all day," Eva said. Eva is seen in the confessional, "Brick is a weakling, he lacks any form of leadership needed to be a leader. He is pathetic and I have to take the reins here before things get out of hand, and let's face it, if it were up to Brick we'd all be in diapers crying for our mommies." "How about... that cave over there!" Brick said, pointing at an empty cave. "Ah yes, an empty cave, perfect way to get eaten by bears," Noah replied, opening a book and yawning. "Dude, it's not a bad idea! There's always cool treasure in caves, heheh," said Sam. "I don't know about you guys, but I think this is a horrible idea and Brick should be punished for thinking of something this idiotic," Eva said stoically. "Personally, I find Brick to be incapable of being leader in general." Ella grabbed Eva's shoulders and began singing. "Don't be sad, don't be upset!" She then looked up at the sky, where thunder clouds began to crackle. "Brick's plan may keep us from getting wet!" Eva snapped at Ella's hand, "Do NOT touch me. Alright, that's it. All in favor of me being leader, raise your hands" Noah raised his hand hesitantly, "What?" He asked. Samey also raised her hand. Brick stood triumphantly, "Well it looks like you're outnumbered here! Let's go men!" "Don't worry, Eva! Beardo and I can stay here with you! ♫" said Ella. "Perfect," muttered Eva, with a look of horror on her face. "C'mon! Lighten up, kid! You're in for quite the fun time!" Beardo said, with a flawless impression of a 1920's vaudeville announcer. Eva sighed loudly, "Alright, let's get going." Eva, Noah, Ella, Beardo, and Samey began walking in the opposite direction while Brick, Leonard, Sam, Tyler, and Katie stood there. "Wait! You'll get lost! You have no light source!" Brick screamed back at them, "Not on my watch! Come back here!" "WHO CARES?!" yelled Eva. "I'm an independent woman and I can function perfectly fine with no light source." Ella then began to sing, calling fireflies to their camp, she then began to put them into jars. "Alright, my intrepid party! I will lead the way as our fearless wizard leader! Okay, I will be the mage of the party. Sam, you can be the berserker. You've got the chunky body frame for it," Leonard said. "Heh-heh. So, I get to wield an axe and stuff? Cool," said Sam happily. "I don't even mind that you made a fat joke. Good job, man." "Oh, no, it was a compliment. But anyway, Brick, you can be the valiant knight, since you are chivalrous and friendly," Leonard continued. "Tyler, you can be the page, who is very graceful and nimble. And Katie... You'll be that one fairy girl who, uh, tags along with the group." "Gee, THANKS!" Katie said. "Hey! The fairy girl is always really cute!" Leonard stuttered. "Gee... Thanks?" Katie said, slightly blushing. Katie was then shown in the confessional. "Okay, Leonard is like the grossest dork of all time, and he's, like, not even CUTE. Like, he's probably a 2, while Justin is like a 12. But it feels nice to be complimented for once... Everyone always lumps me in with Sadie. Hel-LO? We're not, like, one person!" Meanwhile, Eva is seen marching her group closer to the edge of the woods, Ella continuing to call upon animals to help them through the darkness and Noah holding up his booklight to no avail in the advanced darkness. "Keep moving!" Eva yelled back as Beardo began to fall behind. Beardo started blaring a realistic sounding bullhorn noise to signal he was falling behind. Eva sighed loudly and ran back and picked up Beardo and ran back to the front of the group with him lifted over her head. "Where... Where are we even going?!" shouted an out-of-breath Samey. "No time for talking! MOVE!" yelled Eva aggressively. Suddenly, there was a loud "whump," and Eva turned around to see Noah unconscious on the ground. "We must stop and help him!" said Ella, who was shown riding on a furiously galloping deer. "No matter how lazy and useless he is!" A dazed Noah lifted his head up. "Wha?" "Crap!" Eva yelled as she picked Noah up, who was still confused. "If everyone else on the team is useless, I'll just make them NOT useless!" Eva exclaimed in the confessional. Meanwhile, in the cave, Brick looked further in the cave, "Hey guys look! I found some supplies!" "Really?" Sam asked. "Yeah, look!" Brick exclaimed, "I found food and water and... underpants?" Leonard looked at the underpants, "They look... used." "Well we still found food and water! Ha! That'll show Eva and her group!" Brick exclaimed, "She didn't hear that right?" "Oh YEAH! Now that's what I'm talking about! Those look like my briefs after a hard day at the gym, man. Gross, but effective," Tyler said. "I feel like we could fashion something cool out of these, huh?" said Sam. "Like... a tent?" "Their elasticity is perfect for a shelter!" Brick exclaimed, "Quick! Get some stakes!" "This is weird, it smells like... like a cross between B.O. and roses," Sam said. "Like, weirdly romantic. Kinda like how Dakota smells. Heh-heh." "Are you implying your girlfriend smells like B.O.?" Tyler said. "Uh..." Sam backtracked. "Please don't let her know I said that!" Sam exclaimed in the confessional. Katie was then shown in a confessional. "Um, this is, like, the first time I've ever gotten an inside scoop on what boys talk about. And now, I REALLY hope it's the last." A low, guttural growling noise emanated throughout the cave. "What was that?!" Tyler said. "Aliens?" "Orcs?!" Leonard exclaimed. "Let's not get too far-fetched..." Sam said, "It's probably aliens!" Brick looked out of the underpants tent, "Oh what a relief!" Tyler looked at Brick, "Well, what is it?" "Don't worry men! It's not aliens or orcs! It's just a bear!" Brick said. After a slight pause everyone began screaming. Sure enough, the bear was shown lurking in the shadows of the cave. After a second, it pounced and growled, but then stood still for a moment. "Uh... Somebody touch it!" squealed Katie. A loud, high-pitched cackling was then heard. "Whuh?" Tyler said, with a look of utter confusion on his face. "AHAHAHAHAHA!" said a voice that seemed to come from the bear. "Finally, some company in my nightly raid! Everyone's out doing CHALLENGES or having FUUUN and there's no time to socialize. You know, I get lonely too." "Dude! Is that..." Tyler said. The "bear"'s head popped off, revealing none other than Izzy. "Ooh! Hey, Noah!" Izzy said. "Wait... You're not Noah, right? Oooh, no, it's been so long. Wow! Blast from the past, huh? Ahahahahaha!" "Oh no it's like my nightmares all over again!" Tyler exclaimed, he then got aggressive, "Also no it is NOT Noah! I am TYLER! Why does nobody remember me?" "Tyler, Noah, same difference. Ahaha!" Izzy rambled on. Eva's group was then shown running through the woods. Suddenly, they came to a halt. "I hear something." The Rhinos were then seen sitting around a small, pathetic looking fire while insulting each other. Max was snoring loudly in the corner, while Dawn was in a tree meditating. "Staci, move over, eh," Ezekiel said. "Your body is too big. It's blocking off all the heat." "Um, shut up, Zeke," Staci said. "Yah, at least I had the decency to only be the first boot ONCE. You, my friend, are a double-dipper." "That insult don't even make any SENSE," Anne Maria said. "Ooooh! Anne Maria! Sticking up for Zeke, huh? Wow, who knew you had a not-so-secret crush on him!" giggled Dakota. "Shut up you freakin' loser! Be sure to shield your hair or it might make its way to the fire before long!" Anne Maria yelled. Dakota gasped, "You WOULDN'T!" "I would!" Anne Maria yelled. "Ladies, ladies, calm down! Listen, I KNOW you're all fighting over me, and I get it, but--" Justin began. "I--uh---cabbage--why---" A voice that sounded like Rodney piped up from the other side of the fire. "EVERYBODY SHUT UP I AM TRYING TO SLEEP!!!" Amy screeched like a banshee. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!" Eva looked at the Rhinos, awkwardly, "On second thought, let's double back that way," Eva's group then turned and ran the other way, leaving the Rhinos to bicker. Brick is seen pleading with Izzy, "C'mon... you don't want us! We're not tasty... we're like... sweaty and gross! Please don't kill me!" "Kill you?" Izzy sounded puzzled, "Aw, no! I'm a REFORMED girl! You know, I usually save the brutal maiming to small creatures... like ants 'n stuff. I've just been really craving some granola lately, and those giant overalls have some hidden in their pockets." "Wait, what?" Katie said. "Oh, yeah! This is the Rhinos' camp! I've been stealing from it, like, every day now, hehe," Izzy said. "I was on a luxurious journey across the ocean on a jetski that I definitely purchased legally, and I came across this awesome island! I can sense Chef Hatchet's aura from very far away, so I knew I had struck gold. So, yeah! What's up with you guys?" "Um..." Tyler began. Suddenly, a group was heard entering the cave. "Guys! We saw the Rhinos but realized that they were even worse than you guys, so we came back, is everything okay?" began Eva, who dropped every single member of her group off of her shoulders. The copious amounts of animals Ella summoned then followed Eva in. Eva and Noah then saw the visitor, and simultaneously screamed, "WHAT? IZZY?! WHY?!" "Oh hey guys!" Izzy waved at Noah and Eva wildly. "Wow, this is like a Team E-Scope reunion! So cool!" Noah began to slowly crack an amused smile. "What? Oh. Yep. Crazy, huh? So, Izzy, what brings you to this atrocious hellhole of an island?" "Oh, not much! Actually, it's pretty much my bedtime right about..." Izzy waited for about three seconds. "Now. Later, dudes!" Izzy sprinted away, cackling hysterically as usual, she then suddenly ran back into the cave, grabbed the overalls, and ran out again cackling madly. Brick is seen in the confessional, "For the record, I did NOT pee my pants, no matter what the tapes show, I did NOT!" "Uh, dude, there actually weren't any tapes this time... Nobody knew about it. Until now," said the off-screen voice of an intern. "...Wait... what?" Brick sulked. "Well, Brick," Eva said, staring at him, "Looks like you could've gotten your entire group killed! Funny, huh?" "I would've gone down like a true soldier!" Brick exclaimed. "Oh, so you admit you would've died?" Eva asked Brick looked around, nervously, "No...?" He then noticed that the entire rest of the tribe was asleep. "Oh. Funny. Okay. Time to... Heh-heh. Time to go to sleep. Yeah. Night, troops." "Nice save, Sarge," Eva said with no emotion. "You won't be so lucky next time." The scene then flashed to the next morning, where the Rhinos were shown in the forest, everyone sound asleep. A bird flew onto Max's head, pecked it, but there was no response and the bird flew away. Ezekiel and Anne Maria were seen cuddling each other, Ezekiel woke up and looked at her, still sleeping, "Wow, this is better than I imagined eh, she's so cute when she's asleep. Like an angel or somethin', yo." Anne Maria's eyes opened wide immediately, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Trees shook throughout the island as she threw Ezekiel off of her, and everyone else woke up. "Easy," Dawn said, with her eyes still shut. "Let's not disturb the resting wildlife this early." "I'll disturb YOU--" Anne Maria began. "NO!" yelled Rodney. "Why, thank you for the help, Rodney, but I can handle it myself," said Dawn. "Don't worry, babe, I got you," Justin said. "With my cuteness and everything, I can always step in and save the day. That is, if I want to. Which I don't. Oops." Dawn rolled her eyes at Justin's gesture, "Were you not held enough as a child? Always pushed to be the perfect picture of masculinity and such? It's so obvious it makes me sad honestly." Justin looked at Dawn, his eye twitched. "It's okay Justin, you can let those emotions go." Justin began crying on Dawn's shoulder, "You're right!" Dawn then looked at the man-candy on her shoulder. "Not exactly the desired effect I wanted but I'll take it, I suppose," Dawn stated in the confessional. Dakota woke up, "What is your problem?" She yelled at Anne Maria, "I need my BEAUTY SLEEP! Clearly you have no concept of that but pretty people need lots of sleep!" Anne Maria walked up to Dakota, "You did NOT just say that I'm not pretty! I'm freakin' HOT, have you looked at me?" "Um, I can settle this argument, e--" Ezekiel began. "SILENCE!" Max yelled. "We must march single-file to the base camp. That is the only way we will rule this challenge over those Hippo fools." "Aw, sweet!" Rodney said. "I'm up, and I'm full of energy. I could carry like 2,000 pounds of hay right now. Or one pretty girl. Either way." He blushed. "ONWARD MARCH!" Max screeched at the Rhinos, who followed him begrudgingly. "To be a true leader, I must make them realize who the EVIL MASTERMIND is here!" Max yelled in the confessional, "and that's me!" Anne Maria knocked against the confessional door, "Hurry up in there already! I'm tired of waitin' for your slow self! GET OUT!" Max then looked at the camera, frightened. On the other side of the camp, the Hippos awoke to the screeching of Anne Maria. Eva immediately sat up, "They're awake. We must get moving." "It's like... five in the morning--" Katie began, only to be interrupted by Eva glaring murderously at her, "On second thought, let's go!" "Uh, excuse me, if I'm not mistaken I'm the leader here!" Brick stated matter of factly. "Uh, excuse me, if I'm not mistaken you almost got half of our team KILLED yesterday!" Eva yelled at Brick, whose eyes went wide immediately. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll show you how to LEAD a team," Eva turned to the sleeping team, "ON YOUR FEET, MOVE MOVE MOVE!" Eva rallied the Hippos, who began trying to keep up with Eva who was literally knocking over trees to make a more direct route for her team. "Good old Brick," Rodney grinned. "I have to give Eva credit," Noah said in the confessional, "She's probably the only person I know whose head could knock over trees rooted twenty feet in the ground." Beardo was shown in the confessional, making noises and entertaining himself. He created suspenseful string music, and then followed it up with realistic sounds of trees being pulled from the ground and human strings. "Heh," he chuckled. Chris and Chef were shown at the base camp, wearing sunglasses while drinking from juice boxes and sitting in lounge chairs. "So... what's your shoe size?" Chris blurted out. "I don't got one. I got special army boots custom made for someone of my girth," Chef said. "Oh!" Chris said. There was a pause. "Well, that's intriguing. Guess throughout our 15 years of partnership, there are still some interesting new facts to be found." Chef grunted. "Y' got that right. Like that time that you wanted to host that new show about--" "Do NOT say it!" Chris snapped, his face starting to get red. Chef cackled evilly. "Worry not, viewers. All will be revealed eventually." Suddenly, Eva and the Hippos charged out of the woods, Eva running directly into Chef, knocking him over. Chris jumped up from his seat, "Woah, well... I think we have a winner here! THE HUMILIATED HIPPOS WIN!" The Hippos began to cheer, except for Brick who was half heartedly cheering while sulking to himself. Eva stood up triumphantly, basking in the glory of leading her team to victory. The Rhinos then emerged from the woods, Max jumping with joy, "WE WON! WE WON! HAPPY DANCE! HAPPY DANCE!" Max then began to do an incredibly embarrassing dance in front of everyone. Chris began laughing at him. "Uh, dude--" Chris began. "SILENCE MORTAL I AM IN MY HAPPY ZONE!" Max interrupted, and continued to dance as the Rhinos looked at him. "You guys lost," Chris then began laughing as Max's joy turned to anger. "Oh, the things I will do to you will be RUTHLESS AND PAINF--" Max started. "Um, shut UP! Seriously! You haven't done ANYTHING but talk this WHOLE TIME!" yelled Amy. "You're almost worse than Spareamy! But just almost. Calling someone worse than her is just a fate worse than death." Samey yelled from the other side, "I EXIST, YOU KNOW?!" "Uh, Chris, what's our prize?" Tyler said. "Can it be something cool? Like... like weights? Or candy? Yeah, I like candy." "Oh! You're in luck, Hippos!" Chris announced. Chef tossed him a large bag filled with suspicious items, which Chris then tossed to the Hippos. "You get... the junk from off the top of my dresser! There's some valuable stuff in there, you know." Noah grabbed the bag and began digging through it. "What's in here? Toenail clippers... A used toothbrush... An empty cup with a suspicious green hairy substance growing on the side... Wait, what?" He took out a picture of Chris and Chef smiling happily in a heart-shaped frame. A fishing line came out of nowhere, and Chef fished it out rapidly. "You saw nothin'," said Chef. Noah rolled his eyes at Chef, who was growing increasingly nervous. "Anyways... Rhinos, you lost, go back to your shelter and figure out which of you is taking the boat of losers TONIGHT!" Chris announced. "Wow, it's SO HARD since I hate every single one of you..." Amy grunted. "Yah, you know you're not so nice yourself," said Staci. "My parents almost named me Amy but they didn't because they said it was an ugly name and reminded them of a fart. So, like, I think that says it all, mm, so sad." Amy fumed as she glared at Staci, who began talking about her 47th cousin three times removed who invented toothpaste. Later, at the Rhinos' cave, the team was picking up the remains of their supplies, angrily. "Hey, why is my underwear staked to the ground?" Rodney asked, thoroughly puzzled, "Aw man I lost my favorite pair of overalls too!" "Nevermind your silly underpants, where is my jumpsuit?!" Max exclaimed. "Who cares about your stupid jumpsuit? My cheerleading uniform is missing!" Amy exclaimed. "You know? My shirt is missing, but I don't care. I believe my abs should be broadcasted to the world," a shirtless Justin said. Anne Maria laughed as the rest of the team was scrambling to find their clothes. Dakota glared at her. Ezekiel smiled, "At least none of my stuff was touched." "Who would WANT to touch your disgusting toques?" Anne Maria said in pure disgust. Dakota nodded, "You know, for once I agree with you." "Uh, joke's on you, because my mom does laundry for me EVERY DAY!" Ezekiel said confidently. "OINK OINK DO I HEAR A PIG?!" Amy screeched at Ezekiel. Dawn was shown in the confessional. "Picking apart the brains of these contestants has proven to be a remarkably fun activity." She giggled. "Ezekiel, as strange as he is, obviously has some issues with his parents. After all, they let him live life as a green, stringy-haired feral beast for a couple of years and didn't seem to bat an eyelash... and don't get me started on Amy." Chris was then shown with the contestants at the elimination ceremony, with the Hippos watching in the peanut gallery. "Tsk, tsk. Only five episodes in and you've already been here three times. What a pity, huh? Not really. You guys suck!" He laughed heartily. "But I guess I have to give out marshmallows, huh?" "Yeah, my tummy is feeling a bit woozy..." Rodney said. He burped loudly. "I knew I shouldn't have dined on those pinecones last night. Wow, that was rough." "You disgust me," Dakota said, looking at Rodney who was clearly in pain. "Okay! Well, Rodney, you can ease your belly, since you're safe, bud," Chris said. He tossed a marshmallow to Rodney, who gave Chris a toothy grin. "Dawn, you're safe too!" Chris said throwing a marshmallow at Dawn who stopped the marshmallow in its tracks and sent it towards the ground. "Justin and Dakota, you're both safe despite being completely useless except for your looks!" Chris threw marshmallows at both of them. "Great," Justin said, completely seriously. "And... This may be the biggest surprise I've ever stumbled upon, in my three-plus years of hosting Total Drama. Zeke, not only are you safe, but you're actually not even in the bottom two this time! Progress! But not really," said Chris. He tossed a marshmallow to Ezekiel. "And Anne Maria, you too." "Why'd you have to call my name right after his? Ew," said Anne Maria. "Classic Chris. I don't wanna be lumped in with that loser." "This loser? I am not a loser, I am da homie G, dawg!" Ezekiel said, catching his marshmallow. "See, this is what I mean by "not really"," Chris said to Ezekiel, "Let's not dwell on this any longer. Staci, Max, and Amy. Well, uh, Staci is safe. For some weird reason. I don't know." He tossed a marshmallow to Staci, "Also PLEASE do not talk about any relatives this time or I WILL take that marshmallow back." "Max and Amy, both are you are quite frankly the most obnoxious people here, and that's saying something," Chris said, gesturing to Ezekiel, "Both of you are completely incapable of doing anything... and the person who sucks less out of you two is about to be figured out, the final marshmallow goes to..." "Both of you!" Chris said, pulling a moldy marshmallow out of his pocket and throwing it and the normal marshmallow at Amy and Max. "WHAAAAT?! BUT-- Oh, wait, splendid," Max said, as he took a large chomp of the marshmallow. "Yep! We decided we were due for a fake-out tonight," Chris said. "So you guys, despite your horrendous showing in the challenge, are safe! For now. Heh-heh." "When will I ever be freed from my TERRIBLE sister, Chris?! When?" Samey asked from the winner's booth. "Who are you again?" Chris asked. "Uh, yeah, I guess that's a good way to wrap it up. Tune in next time for more juicy drama, compelling interactions, and REAL eliminations... right here on Total... Drama... Second Chances!"